Rejected!

Well once again I made it to the final round of interviews only to be gypped by a person with 'more experience.' Experience is so overrated. Remember that whole old dog/new trick shebang? Yeah. I've got more to offer. I've got brilliance, talent, and a willingness to learn. How can I get any experience if I'm not given any? I mean seriously guys. I recently applied to a Web Content Writer position and came really close to being chosen...but of course they picked the person with 'more experience' or whatever. We had to write an audition piece of sorts for one of their client companies. I want to ask you my dear readers, how could 'more experience' beat out this exhibit of pure unadulterated talent:

"

Officials confirmed this morning that the Zombie Apocalypse is imminently upon us. Are you prepared? What’s protecting your valuables from being ravaged by flesh-eating-zombies? Where are you storing your zombie-slaughtering-weapons? State of the art Bullet Safes are the elegant way to secure your Zombie Apocalypse Survival Kit (Z.A.S.K). Bullet Safes have been tested and are guaranteed to be 100% zombie proof.

Besides your Z.A.S.K, here are some other items that you can store in your Bullet Safe:

· Samurai swords, light-sabers (make sure to turn them off first), phasers, and other weapons of mass destruction

· Dinosaur DNA

· Pirate Treasure

· Expensive and flashy watches

· Unicorn magic

· The Holy Grail

· Things that’ll poke your eye out

· Documents attesting to your existence as a human being

· UFO/alien abduction footage

· Stuff that could get ruined by zombies, small children, or the combination of the two

· Secrets

· Plans to take over the world

· DVDs so that your roommates will stop pilfering them

· That one ring that rules them all, you know the one

Not only do Bullet Safes secure your priceless items from cannibalistic monsters and fires, it’ll also safeguard your things from ninja-thieves. In other words, “Swiper, no swiping!” With this kind of awesome security I bet you want to put all your things in a safe right now! I know it is pretty tempting to secure ALL of your precious valuables away in a Bullet Safe, but here are some things that you probably shouldn’t store in your safe:

· Your children

· Bananas and other produce

· Your heart

· Embarrassing baby pictures—you definitely should to display those

· Your mother-in-law’s Chihuahua

· Your mother-in-law

· Human skeletons

· Cheese

Bullet’s sleek designs are basically the embodiment of pure love in a Safe. Only Bullet Safes offer verified CNPR (Chuck Norris Protection Rating) of up to 90 minutes (depending on if he’s playing Walker, Texas Ranger or not) making Bullet the quintessential option for securing your peace of mind. During a Zombie Apocalypse, Nothing Protects Like a Bullet.

"
(name of client company changed)

Absolute genius. I bet you want to buy a safe now don't you? Experience...psh!


(ok, ok, I also sent in a more serious article to show my versatility and ability to market to broader audiences)
(and I realize that I sound really conceited. That's what months of trying to convince potential employers how amazing you are will do to you--you start believing it.)(Which only makes it more depressing and perplexing as to why you don't have a job if you're so awesome. Incongruity detected.)